On immigration, totalitarianism, and hope
It was roughly three years ago when I moved to Germany to study Neuroscience. All this time I wasn’t sure if I can call myself “immigrant” because there was no war in my country nor much of terrorist attacks. I was frustrated though, living in Iran for me was getting extremely hard and now by watching this slow-folding TV Series “The Handmaid’s Tale” I realized I kinda am an immigrant. In this post, I want to write a bit about how does it feel like to leave your life behind and start a new one because someone else is having fun. I want to talk about totalitarianism. And hope? It’s just in the title, I want to talk about why not having hope might work better.
On omnipresent instructions from authorities’ imaginary friend:
So, I was born and raised in Tehran, the capital of Iran and I was born when the political situation was a bit settled. The Iran-Iraq war was finally over after eight years and both sides losing hundreds of thousands of their people. Flash forward, I was a teenager exploring myself and the society and here are the first points of friction. I wasn’t religious and I had zero problems with religious people but usually, they weren’t as benign as I was. I was keep being forced to practice stuff like not eating and drinking in public during Ramadan or a constant paranoia of getting into troubles while hanging out with my female friends or simply not being welcomed to some official places (including my university campus) just because my hair is long. Yeah, I faked a document that my hair is long because I’m having a role in a theatre show, going up to the high-level security members to let me in with a hat covering my hair! I’m not saying it’s a general thing but this itself is a part of the problem. The security team of each university has its own nuances implementing Islamic rules so I specifically had the issue with “one member” who was the hater.
Anyway, you see, by themselves alone they’re not lethal like a terrorist attack is. I wasn’t in constant paranoia of suddenly someone pulls out a Kalashnikov or blast the classroom that I was in, I was in this omnipresent frustration and unnecessary troubles because a more powerful and connected person could suddenly wake up in a bad mood and wanting to diss me. I couldn’t feel being a part of my own country because I was feeling that the government doesn’t understand me and I don’t understand them and the problem is that we can’t coexist peacefully like atheists and religious folks do here. Rules were heavily biased in favour of “some” and even not, those “someones” could easily escape with their issues while I had to spend two weeks running around the campus gathering unnecessary signatures, sitting in waiting rooms because “Haji is in a meeting” for hours then getting rejected because “whoops! now it’s praying time come back in two hours.” All to be able to study like others. They kept trying to change me, adjust me, correct me, reset me, and if nothing was working then here we are, count me as a “corrupted by western culture” inside enemy.
All I and lot’s of other young people wanted was to be the owner of our own lives and afterlives. But no there was this duty on the system’s holy shoulders to “deliver us” from the sins advertised by the great satan the west. Don’t wear weird T-shirts, don’t be explicit about some topics, don’t you dare criticizing officials because they are good people with good wills and they don’t want anything material for themselves and they are your humble servants so don’t ask “excuse me, why shouldn’t we have access to goddamn Spotify?” I’m not going to talk about the women’s situation there with the hijab and all the sexism in every fucking step of their lives that makes them feel like flashlights who also should know how to cook.
I think you got my point, for me there was no explicit life-threatening issue — although it would turn into one with a snap if I would be a political activist or something — but a dark shadow of control and authority in every single part of my life. Control from not my family or people I believe in but from those who I share no common grounds with and can’t understand their fundamental premises that lead to all the delusionoid conclusions.
I was being prohibited to wear my favourite band’s T-shirt (I was doing it anyway tho!) just because it was a metal band, metal = violence and satan, those who listen to metal = optimistically lost and if not then they are Satanists, wearing the T-shirt = spreading satanism, and satanism = wanna tear our holy society apart bruh? Fighting with Allah in this land of pure Muhammedian Islam?
On Gilead, ruling by hypocrites:
Ok so, I promised some “Handmaid’s Tale” and here’s the part that I will deliver it. Spoilers? I’ll try not to spoil major events but I will use the main theme so if you really hate spoilers just skip this part I guess.
In case you’re already following the series you probably know what Gilead is but let me give a brief overview for those who don’t. Gilead is an independent part of the U.S in the future emerged from hardcore right-wings/religious people. They conquered a big chunk of the current U.S and changed the structure of the society drastically to maximise the faith. All in response to the steep decrease in the birth rate across the globe that they claimed is happening because of our sins (homosexuality and porn and lust and stuff). So, back on track. To me, Gilead is not current Iran, it’s 1980s Iran + Soviet Russia × George Orwell^2. But there is a disturbing resemblance between what I experienced and what people in Gilead are experiencing. So in theory — like our Islamic revolution — the society is devoted to God, full of faith and resilience and all the virtues and smiles and calm faces far away from capitalistic mockery and western’s rotten lifestyle. You can see the depth of this faith in every moment of their lives like even saying “blessed day” instead of a simple “sup?” Or keep referring to the lord no matter if the conversation actually requires it or not. It’s like “Oh! It’s a nice scarf you have today” will be following by a response like “May the lord makes me worthy for this compliment and saves me from the sin of condescendence, thanks.” But in practice, it’s a shitshow of pissed slaves vs plaster saint authorities.
Deep inside, people are frustrated, angry, and full of grudge because the authorities are corrupted all the way down to the roots. They enforce restricting rules to every action that people must follow, they expect people to suffer for a greater good (a “blessed by the lord” society) and if not they will violently punish those disobedient heretics.
But what’s happening behind the curtains of their own godly lives? They have wild parties in which they commit all the sins (including oral sex OMG), they live in big mansions, eating good foods, being connected to the world, and having all the resources. They can “bend the rules” no matter what the punishment is. So in a nutshell, they are just a bunch of pieces of shits who are living happily while the majority is in pain and frustration. Yeah, rang the bell? I wasn't in a war-zone that people are fighting with external enemies for their lives, neither people of Gilead. We were “safe” but feeling miserable and being used by our own governors.
People in Iran (especially during the last 10 years) started to see this corruption underneath the system. Authorities running away with an astronomical amount of money in their endless pockets, seeing relatives of the authorities running away with everything they do while people themselves will face harsh consequences for the same actions. Corrupted managers being circulated around in different ministries having many positions simultaneously. Seeing how having even a tiny relationship with a group of “someones” works much better in the bureaucratic procedures compared to the ones who actually follow the law. Experiencing “the law can be bent for some” on a daily basis caused the “being powerless against injustice” feelings to pile up and slowly turn into a deep hatred, shattering the society into pieces.
To be fair, people really did try to fix it democratically, voting for a preferred candidate in 2009 and seeing someone else becoming the president. Asking for clarification and receiving violence and brutal response and mindless mass arresting without any explanations. Like you wake up one day and suddenly a random herd of buffed, visually look-alike men take your brother to nowhere. You’re losing your mind searching every police station and after a couple of days, YOU will find him “temporarily imprisoned”. Why is that? you ask from the officer, “planning against the national security” he answers. Any courts? lawyers? nope, he’s in a temporary arrest to answer some questions. For how long he’ll be there? “well it depends on how well he cooperates, might take even a year”. Wanna know the rest of the story? some brothers and sisters died unexpectedly, went through crippling hunger strikes, committed suicide, or came back after a month or two being a zombie having more terrible stories. One event I would like to spoil from the series, there was a moment when handmaids resist and they went through a mock execution so they learn not to mess with the god’s will. yeah, I’ll leave the rest to you.
Having this fear in mind, people tried it again by playing by the system’s rules this time voting for the so-called reformists so they can fill the important places, not just presidency this time, claiming the change people wanted. So people gave democracy a second chance and did what they could do as a civilized, non-violent country. But guess what, after candidates occupied those fancy seats all people received was more suffer, more lies, more hypocrisy, and more corruption. The reformists didn’t do much and apparently, the supreme leader (who is a weird concept by itself kinda like a pope who is also above law and politically super active) had more power than all those places together. Just as June and some other Handmaids, people are reaching to a moment of “fuck it” and I’m seeing more impulsive resistance these days. Walking around without hijab, beating the ones who complain, protecting others from the police, all means us/them dichotomy is not only present but also on the brink of turning into a full-blown riot as a beta version of it happened two years ago.
Anyway, I moved out and I literally don’t feel like I have a home anywhere there just like immigrants who escaped from Gilead to Canada. But I share something else with these immigrants too, I know people inside are in agony and I can’t do much for them. I ran away but my friends and family are still there and I’m seeing how the sanctions are messing with their lives but all I can do is to probably write this post. Value of our currency dropped like a Skrillex bass in an early dubstep party back in 2011, and people are losing their minds exactly like teenagers at the same party. The disturbing similarity between Iran and Gilead is that both are being ruled by an ignorant system who apparently doesn’t really care about the people but the values that only they share (superficially) and want people to share too. A system that is just there to stay so a minority can enjoy their lives gulping majority’s resources and eventually their lives. A more disturbing similarity is that there seems to be no polite way out of it, just like Gilead, there’s only a small number of opposition parties abroad who in our case, I believe they too lost their connections with people’s demands and are throwing some wild ideas from time to time that doesn’t sound plausible. Like, let’s roll back to the monarchy or let’s bring a more Gileadian system.
On the hope that I lack:
So here’s the end. I think if you’re a European, American, or generally a “fortunate” citizen who is living in freedom, opportunities, and stable lives, then you might wanna hear me out because personally, I don’t see it stays like this. The shadow of right-wing parties who share little virtue with you as a free bird is lurking above y’all. Look around you, Brexit, Trump, Johnson, AFD, FPÖ, Le Pen, Bolsonaro, how many more do you want me to name? They are here and they are here to stay, smear their shits on you and make your only life a disaster. Here you are, I don’t see them giving up themselves by seeing an Antifa sticker on the bus stop and trust me living in an authoritarian society is not fun at all unless you’re one of the authorities, which in that case go fuck yourself, please. So, as an immigrant, I don’t have much power here to change anything but you do.
Don’t put your heads under the snow and be pitiful about Middle Eastern crises. We’re all in this together because the right-wings share interests no matter which country they are emerging from. Iranian and US right-wingers were both were dreaming about one day the nuclear deal turning into a joke although they claim to be life-long enemies. So I believe hope doesn’t do anything and might actually diffuse the responsibility. Leave it. It’s either us stoping this nonsense by keeping them out of the game or some gigantic shit will hit the fan soon.
